Frankly, some people’s parenting skills truthfully need some corrections. I have witnessed so many scenes in public places that make me believe that some people should be tested before they are permitted to have children. There are lessons out there that teach basic parenting skills but not enough of people sign up in them. It is almost as if when you have a baby, they launch you home from the hospital devoid of the least clue as to what you are supposed to do with this child. Maybe a manual should be written and presented to parents when they depart the hospital. Any person can be a parent but not every person has the parenting skills essential to raise a child.

A lot of parents’ parenting skills come from their own experiences in growing up. They pass down the identical ideals and traditions that their parents instilled in them. I have had two young parents in my office who were both parents before the age of 18. Neither of these persons had the first inkling as to what kind of parenting skills they should have. Interestingly enough, both of those individuals had been born to immature parents as well. Their young parents lacked the values, information and parenting skills to raise their children as well as they should have. One of those children had been mainly raised on the streets since their young parents could not have cared less what he was doing. It is a wonder he didn’t end up in jail or dead. At the age of 16, a girl came to him to state that she was pregnant. All of a sudden,he was the one who was in need of some common sense and parenting skills.

My other challenged co-worker gave birth when she was 17. Her mother didn’t even know that she was pregnant and had no concern in helping to raise her grandchild when she had hardly even cared to raise her own daughter. She is now under pressure to finish school and raise a child. While some parenting skills are simply common sense, some people actually lack that common sense. This is especially true if they never had parental figures who showed common sense for them. You’ve heard people say that children are a mirror image of their parents and there is a large amount of truth to that. Parenting skills are the same way. A parent will imitate the parenting skills that their parents showed to them. Of course, this does not hold true for every person. There are individuals who break out of the cycle and I have lots of praise for them. However, what is important is that before becoming a parent, make sure you have the common sense parenting skills that are needed to raise your child. In no way be fearful to ask someone for guidance or answers. Your child will thank you for it. So will the rest of the world.

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It can be extremely challenging for the entire family to raise a child with ADHD. But learning specific parenting skills in relation to ADHD is highly important for the health of the child as well as the relationship between child and parent.

One thing that is really useful for parents is to join a support group that is both educational and socially supportive. Listening to how others are coping with ADHD is one way parents can learn how to interact with their children. If you do not have a local support group, join an online forum or support group.

One very important thing a parent needs to do is set clear goals and limits for themselves and their children. This may be very difficult when you have both an ADHD and a so-called normal child. After these goals and limits are set, it is crucial to be as consistent as possible.

Give your child choices for what they can do. Do not tell them exactly what they will eat, wear and do. The more choices they have, the more independent they will be as time goes on.

However, do not give unlimited choices for each action. For example, the choice of clothing should be limited to two choice. The choices in food should be which two vegetables out of four available.

Keep in mind that a parent’s relationship with their child is essential in any family, but it is perhaps even more important with ADHD children.

For this relationship to work well, you need both time and a willingness to listen and notice. You must make yourself aware of the good behaviors not just the bad behaviors. Spend at least fifteen minutes to half an hour a day with your child with no distractions. Ask the child about their day. Try to eat meals with them as often as possible. Turn off all distractions at meal times — no TV. Simple things like this are the most important in keeping good connections with all your child.

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The ‘phone conversation had nothing at all to do with
parenting - but it made me think . . .

"Hello, Eastbank Football Club. Can I help you?"
 "Good morning, may I speak with the Assistant Coach,
 please?"
 "Oh, I'm sorry. He's still on vacation."
 "I see. Is anyone on the coaching staff there?"
 "No, they're all away right now. The club's closed for
 another week yet. I'm only the Groundsman."
 "Well, thanks anyway. And hey, why say you're only
 the Groundsman? If it wasn’t for you, there wouldn’t be a
 football club. They’d have nowhere to play!”
 (Pause)
 “Yeah, I’d never really thought of it like that.
 (Laughter)
  Thanks a lot, pal, you’ve made my day!”

So often we do ourselves down, don’t we? We devalue our own
contribution or service. “I’m only a shop assistant!” “I’m
only a . . . ” (fill in the blank!) Sometimes we even hear
women say: “I’m just a housewife”!

Confidence and self-esteem are often in short supply these
days. And nowhere more so than in PARENTING!

Even those who are superbly confident in their work or
social situations, often teeter on the edge when it comes to
their parenting skills.

Why?

Is it something to do with the breakdown in old-fashioned
values and concepts of authority; the widening gulf between
kids and their parents; the dangers we as parents are so
acutely aware of, but which are casually dismissed by our
kids?

Whatever the causes, there’s a lot you can do to improve
things.

Step 1
Dr Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power Of Positive
Thinking, used to advise people to sit down and write
out a list of all their assets and abilities.

But Dr Peale’s next suggestion is crucial. Once the list of
assets and abilities has been written, he tells us to raise
the stakes. Simply BELIEVE that you are at the very
least 10% better than you think. It’s now widely
acknowledged in modern psychology that you’ll still be way
off the mark! So have faith. You’re better than you think.

Step 2
Do some study. You probably weren’t taught parenting skills
at school or college, yet parenting is the most vital
contribution to society. There are lots of books,
courses, tapes, CDs and videos on parenting. No excuses!
Grab some and get busy. Knowledge and insight bring
confidence. Whatever stage you’re at, you can improve
yourself.

Step 3
Learn to temper your reaction in stressful parenting
situations. Easier said than done! But you can make a
conscious effort to stay calm and remind yourself of
Dr Peale’s advice (You’re more capable than you think you
are!), and you can put into practice what you’ve been
studying about family dynamics.

Step 4
Develop yourself in some way. Yes, remember those piano
lessons you once took, or that art class you attended?
Interests like these are great stress relievers and they
build self-confidence - which is vital for parenting. If
you feel you’re already confident in other matters, but
it’s only in parenting you feel a lack, why not take up
some activity with your kids? Learning together brings you
together, and can be great fun!

Step 5
Finally, resist any temptation to go it alone. Nature
intended us to be social creatures. Seek advice from
grandparents, relatives, friends. Overcome your pride.
Discuss your parenting challenges with others and draw on
the communal strength. And d’you know what? You’ll find
you’re not alone. Let’s work on parenting together, as a
community.

Confident parents raise confident kids.

Take action now. If you do nothing, you can look forward to
more of the same: worry, tension, ill-feeling etc etc.

Zap these negative trends once and for all. To give yourself
a real boost, check out my website. There you’ll find lots
more to help you and your kids live life to the full.

Why do some parents and children succeed, while others
fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. His writing includes motivational books for both
parents and teenagers. If you want to develop your
parenting skills and encourage your kids to be all
they can be, visit his web pages,

http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html

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