The following article offers some insight to those involved in the wonderful world known as Parenting.

There are just as many parenting styles as there are a number of parents. Experts believe the parenting styles fall into 4 different and identifiable styles: authoritarian, indulgent, authoritative, and uninvolved.

Let’s examine this more closely. The first parenting style is that of the authoritarian parent. These parents are like army commanders. They prefer to issue commands and orders to their children and fully expect their children to carry out their orders without questioning them. Authoritarians do not welcome nor appreciate any feedback from their children. They live by set and defined rules in a structured environment.. These children as we now know, are generally considered to have an unhappy nature about them. Boys generally exhibit hostile behaviour when dealing with frustration, whereas girls tend to give up easily when faced with difficult situations. Both the boys and girls however, tend to perform better in school due to their disciplined upbringing.

The second parenting style is the indulgent parent. These parents are generally lenient. They allow a variety of behaviours by their children that some would describe as immature. Essentially, they let the children look after themselves and avoid confronting them at all costs. Indulgent parents may also be described as non-directive or democratic. Non-directive parents are known to parent by default, that is, by taking virtually no action in parenting of their children. Democratic parents, though lenient, are more aware and show a committment to engage with their children.

The third parenting style is that of the authoritative parent. These parents are both demanding and responsive at the same time. Authoritative parents while expecting their their children to behave in a certain manner, don’t impose their authority and welcome a certain amount of questioning. They demonstrate a combination of assertiveness coupled with the ability to respond to their children’s feedback. These children appear to be more lively and have a happier disposition about them. Their self-confidence is more developed they seem to be more sure of their abilities. These children also show better emotional control and are more adept in their social skills. Gender stereotypes are also less of an issue with authoritative parents, as they tend to be more open minded in their outlook towards their children’s behaviour, i.e. boys playing with dolls and girls playing with tools.

Lastly, we look at the parenting style known as “uninvolved parenting”. As the name suggests, these parents are simply uninvolved. They are neither demanding nor responsive of their children and they are not interested in any feedback from them. These parents are the most likely to be irresponsible and more often neglect their children.

We hope you found the above information insightful and will seek out the many more resources available on this topic online.

Hanif Khaki is the acclaimed author of numerous parenting related articles and the founder of the popular parenting resource site http://www.parenting-info.inform-about.com

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Do you know what kind of parent you are? This is an important question to answer because as a parent your end goal is to raise a happy, healthy, successful child and to reach that goal you need to be the best parent you can be.

The four main parenting styles are determined by the level of warmth and control that parents exert over their child. These two key factors then create four categories of parenting styles: indulgent, authoritarian, authoritative, and uninvolved. Each of these parenting styles reflects different natural patterns of parental values, practices, and behaviors and a distinct balance of response and demand.

* Indulgent parents are more responsive than they are demanding. Nontraditional and lenient, they do not require mature behavior, allow much self-regulation, and avoid confrontation. Indulgent parents may be further divided into two types: democratic parents, who, though lenient, are more conscientious, engaged, and committed to the child, and nondirective or permissive parents.

* Authoritarian parents are highly demanding and directive, but not responsive. They do not explain orders but expect total obedience. These parents provide well-ordered and structured environments with clearly stated rules. Authoritarian parents can be divided into two types: those who are not intrusive or autocratic in their use of power and those who are highly intrusive.

* Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive. They set clear standards for their child’s conduct, but their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive as they want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, cooperative, and self-regulated.

* Uninvolved parents are low in both response and demand. In extreme cases, this parenting style might encompass both rejection and neglect.

Parenting styles not only differ in terms of response and demand but also the extent of psychological control they extend over their child. Psychological control is the attempt to intrude into the psychological and emotional development of the child through use of parenting practices such as guilt, shame, and withdrawal of love. One key difference between authoritarian and authoritative parenting is in the dimension of psychological control.

Both authoritarian and authoritative parents place high demands on their children and expect their children to behave appropriately and obey parental rules. Authoritarian parents, however, also expect their children to accept their judgments, values, and goals without question. In contrast, authoritative parents are more open to give and take with their children and offer more explanation. Therefore, although authoritative and authoritarian parents are both high in behavioral control, authoritative parents tend to be low in psychological control, while authoritarian parents tend to be high.

Learning more about your own parenting style can help you become a more effective parent and raise a more successful child.

You can enjoy more family articles at Parents Learn More and Official Family.

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Do you ever wonder how your parenting style turned from “parent team” into “parent competition?” Picture this: your 8-year-old wants to go see the new PG-13 movie that you know will be too graphic for him. You say “no” and at the same time your spouse says, “Sure.” You look at her in disbelief. You begin to argue with your wife while your son not only watches, but jumps in on her side with his own opinions. How often do you find yourself arguing for your way in front of your kids?

When it comes down to these parenting battles, how do you come to a decision, preferably without arguing, definitely without arguing in front of your children, and both feel validated and empowered in your parenting?

The first thing you should realize is that you really are a team. You each have strengths and weakness that, ideally, play off each other. Neither of you is the coach. You are both players on the team. If the quarterback is getting ready to “go long” and the running back thinks they’ve planned a hand-off, the team is in trouble. It’s time for you and your wife to get on the same page and become a parenting team.

Learning teamwork does not happen in the heat of the moment, with your child looking on and pushing for his way - just as football teams don’t learn new plays in the middle of the Superbowl. Conscious teamwork means that there is discussion and practice, planning and trying on new ways of being. This parenting thing is a lot of work and in order to do it well, it must be done thoroughly. The key is to look at your individual parenting patterns, find out why you parent the way you do, and then look at what is really best for each of your individual children.

So, if you find yourself in a cycle of arguing about competing parenting styles, set some time aside to sit down and do the following exercises together. It may be more fun than you think and I know that you can turn your parenting conflicts into parenting successes with a little bit of work.

Exercises for Building the Parenting Team:

1.) As a couple, write down two or three real-life examples of situations where your parenting styles have differed and you have found yourselves arguing (or not arguing and simply feeling resentful and disempowered) about a parenting issue.

2.) For each example, write down each parent’s “default mode” of parenting. Maybe one parent is just more permissive and one tends to be more protective. Perhaps one resorts to anger and yelling where the other resorts to passive-aggressive manipulation to get his or her way. What is your default parenting style?

3.) Next, have each parent examine his or her default style. This is an individual exercise. Look at how you were parented and how each of your relationships with your parents molded you as a parent. If you have a difficult time seeing the parenting patterns that you inherited, you might want to ask a sibling or even a close friend for some insight. If you’re still stuck, ask your spouse if he or she has any suggestions. Sometimes, we get so mired in our family “stuff” that we need fresh eyes to see it.

4.) Now go back to the examples that you listed. Look at how your default parenting style and the ways you were parented played into the interaction. This is not about right or wrong. This is about noticing your patterns. There is no right or wrong way to parent: there are good techniques and unhealthy patterns. Our job is to learn the former and release the latter. Here are some real-life examples:

a. Mom realizes that she has a tendency to be more lenient because she was raised in a family that was very strict and growing up she missed out on a lot of fun with her friends.

b. Dad realizes that he has a tendency to be stricter because he grew up in a chaotic home with few boundaries and he wants to give his children a more structured home life.

c. Mom realizes that she a tendency to want to be the kid’s friend instead of being their parent because she can avoid discipline that way. She had little discipline from her parents and doesn’t really know how to go about it.

d. Dad realizes that his parents were very strict about the kinds of movies he saw and the music he listened to and that he is carrying that pattern forward unconsciously.

5.) Now that you can see your patterns and how they play into parenting challenges, go back to your examples and make some decisions. Take the movie example: Once dad realizes that he’s bringing forward a parenting pattern, he can decide whether it really works for him or not. When we find unconscious parenting patterns, we have the choice to let them go or to continue with the pattern. The question to ask is does this pattern work for my child? So, with the movie, dad thinks that this pattern really does work. His child is prone to nightmares and he wants to shield him from unhealthy mental influences. At the same time, mom realizes that bringing forward the pattern of a lack of discipline might not work for this child. She realizes that as he grows up, he’s becoming more demanding and that she needs healthier boundaries and that it is time to learn how to be a parent, not a friend. (Remember, your children have lots of friends, hopefully friends of all ages. You, however, are their only mom or dad and you must fulfill that role for them!)

So what happens if you guys do all of this work and you still find yourselves at loggerheads about a parenting issue? If you are being authentic and humble, that won’t really happen. When you are able to step back and let go of your patterns and your expectations, it becomes easy to see what is best for your child. Remember, it’s not about getting your way; it’s about raising healthy, empowered children. All of these little interactions build up to create your family’s dynamic. The more of this work that you can do in an advance of these confrontations, the more peaceful and balanced your home life will be. And, the happier your children will be.

Straight talk from the mom who’s been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. For more information, go to http://www.parentingkeys.com.

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