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It was a hot summer day in august and The courthouse was without cold air. I wiped my brow as I entered the crowded courtroom. Several times I had appeared in family court, petitioning to get custody of my children. On each occasion I left the courtroom alone. The court had taken the girl’s mothers rights away, but fighting through all the red tape had dragged on for two years.

I did all I could to keep my faith. Then came that magical day. The girls were coming home with me! Wait a minute; the girls were coming home with me! Do they mean today?

I fell to my knees,right there outside the courtroom. Fighting my tears of joy, I thanked god for the miracles he had blessed me with. I asked for his guidance. I asked him to help me be the best father I could be and told him I could not do it without him.

Soon we were in the car and heading home. I glanced at them in the mirror, as they smiled ear to ear. They were my angels and I felt overwhelmed with joy, smiling all the way home. Has a man ever been so blessed as I was on that magical day?

Now it was time to put my parenting skills into action. I put on the superdad cape and transformed into The Family Guy.

Right about this time Faith had just turned 8, and Elissa was 5. At first I let them eat what they want, bathe when they want, and go to sleep when they wanted. This wasn’t working for me, so nice daddy had to set som rules and bondaries.

The girls were soon given chores to help out around the house. They put up quite a resistance at first, but after they lost some of their privelages they quietly surrendered.

Two years have passed and the three of us are very happy. I work from home so we get to spend alot of time together. I love my role as The Family Guy. I am blessed to have such amazing girls who are so loving and giving. Sometimes they call me Mister Mom. Sometimes they just call me daddy, but my greatest happiness comes each night, hearing their precious voices call me to tuck them into bed.

This Article was Written By: Jay Bartels

Jay is a leader in the family benefits comunity. Faith and Elissa are Healthy,happy, and growing up a bit too fast for daddy. Please look for more from jay at the sites below, and his next article coming very soon.Please visit our “Jays Plan” Site for afun and inspiring experience.

Jays Plan - Secrets of a Single Dad and Family Health With Mister Mom

BOCABOYJAY@AOL.COM

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Single parenting is challenging, but you can function as both mom and dad. I say this not to devalue the importance of both parents in a child’s life, but to inspire parents who are truly alone in the world. There are many examples of fine men and women who have been raised by single moms or dads. In this article, we will first explore the effects of single parenting and then offer some important tips.

Effects of Single Parenting:

The effects of divorce on a child have been well documented. Children of divorce have a higher risk of problems associated with adjustment, behavior or social skills. This is most likely due to the stress and trauma created around the break-up. If parents can handle divorce in an amicable way, still coming together as a team to support the best interests of the child, then the risks are small.

Obviously, single parenting does not always mean raising children of divorce. Some parents have never been married. Others have survived the death of their spouse. These adults are impacted by the same issues faced by divorced parents: isolation, lack of support, financial struggles and emotional overwhelm. When an adult is constantly stressed, the child absorbs and mirrors these feeling states.

Single Parenting Tips:

• Get Support. You need to have friends, relatives or a support group that can help you manage your stress. Remember, your child reflects your feelings. If you are not relaxed, your child cannot be either. If there is no support group in your area, start your own. Get together to talk about the single parent experience. Offer to watch each others’ children to get some time on your own or take care of things that you can’t do with your child. It is important to have some alone time, away from your child and job, so that you can unwind and regroup.
  Tip! When deciding about getting a divorce and thinking about how single parenting figures in, make sure that you know yourself. Ask yourself if you’re really ready to get divorced and if you can overcome the fear or challenge of single parenting.

• Find a Mentor. In a perfect world, single adults would work together to help each other raise their children, providing role models of both genders for every child (and perhaps this is something you can facilitate if you start a single parent group). A role model can be a coach, a teacher, someone from a group or association or someone from your church. Make sure you know who this person is before you let them be around your child. Know that adults who prey upon kids often volunteer their services in order to get next to your child. These people will seem normal and will work hard to gain your trust, but in your gut, you will feel that something is not right. Trust your gut and protect your child. Proceed carefully and wisely, but don’t underestimate the importance of a mentor of the same gender in your child’s life.
  Tip! Connection and Communication. Single parenting means working twice as hard to forge strong bonds with your child.

• Connection and Communication. Single parenting means working twice as hard to forge strong bonds with your child. Bonding is all about connection, communication and being there as guide and witness during the tough, triumphant and mundane moments of your child’s life. Every child needs someone to feel safe with, someone with whom they can let down their guard. In a two parent marriage, one partner may provide support when the other is unavailable for a variety of reasons. As a single parent, you are the sole support. Despite this, connecting and communicating with your child in a positive manner feels good and will energize you in ways that will allow you to meet your child’s needs.

• Engage your child in activities she loves. Be an active participant in your child’s growing awareness of the world and what interests her. When you do something with your child, remember that children are process-oriented, while most adults tend to be goal-oriented. In order to truly engage your child, you must allow yourself to become process-oriented when you play with her or engage her interests. This is how a single parent creates a bond that goes beyond meeting the child’s physical and emotional needs.

Although single parenting can be tough, it is rewarding and fulfilling. If you incorporate these important tips into your life, you are sure to create a healthy, loving relationship with your child. Your child’s physical, emotional and spiritual well-being now and in the future depends on this.

About the author: Laura Ramirez is the author of the award-winning book, Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting - http://www.walk-in-peace.com/keepers.html. This unique book combines ancient native ideas (like stewardship) with cutting-edge psychology to show parents how to raise children to develop their natural strengths and grow up to lead purposeful and fulfilling lives. It is a book about connection, caring and engagement.

Laura is also the publisher of Family Matters Parenting Magazine which features insights into the core issues today’s parents face - http://www.parenting-child-development.com

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I had never really associated football with being a single father, other than both happened on weekends. After all, what do two teams trying to score touchdowns have to do with raising children? However, I soon realized that all the elements that make football so fun and exciting to watch was the answer to also making my parenting time fun and meaningful. Here are some examples:

Parenting Tip #1: Clarify the playing field
Every football field has sidelines and end zones. This allows the players to know what the field of play is and when they get rewarded. Children also need this same structure as they may be unsure about what is acceptable behavior is and what is not, plus when they get rewarded.

Parenting Tip #2: Establish basic rules
Football players know to stay on their side until the ball is snapped, you cannot rough the quarterback, and after ten yards you get a first down. Rules help children of all ages understand when they are not behaving in a way that meets your expectations. However, you do not need a rule for everything. John Madden, former NFL Coach and long-time TV Analyst, said, The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.

In my home, we only have six rules:

1. There’s no maid, so everyone helps out encourages teamwork.
2. One thing at a time shows there should be some form of order.
3. We share and take turns promotes cooperation.
4. First things, first can be applied to homework before snack, etc.
5. Dirty clothes go in the hamper helps arrange things in a certain way.
6. Say please and thank you creates an environment of respect and appreciation.

Parenting Tip #3: Allow for choices
In football, a team can choose to run or pass or on fourth down to go for it or punt. Your guidelines should allow for choices within a certain parameter, thus helping children feel they have at least some control. Plus, by establishing guidelines, your children’s choices will be acceptable.

Parenting Tip #4: Same game home or away
Are there one set of rules for a football team when they are home and a different set for when they are on the road? Of course not. Keep this in mind when establishing your structure. This does not mean that your home has be run the same as their other parent’s; yet, do not go to extremes to make it the opposite. There are some benefits to having some consistency for your children. Plus, this makes it less likely your children will be able to manipulate the parent at either home.

Parenting Tip #5: Be consistent
Nothing upsets football players, coaches, and fans more than when the referees call an inconsistent game. That is why there are six referees, whistles, and instant replays. As single parents we do not have the luxury of instant replays to see what really happened, nor am I suggesting you wear a whistle. Notwithstanding, once the structure is established, it should not change on a regular basis. This will allow your children to adjust to the expectations, thus making your life as a single parent easier.

Parenting Tip #6: There will be rule infractions
Even within a football game there are still times when infractions happen. Defensive holding is a five-yard penalty, while roughing the kicker is a 15-yard penalty and an automatic first down. Similarly, children will occasionally break the rules. When this happens, there is a benefit to the parent if the penalty for poor behavior is pre-determined. I suggest involving the children in determining what a fair penalty is. For example, if your child comes home more than 10 minutes late, then he/she should not plan on going out the following day. If they are aware of this ahead of time, there will be little argument and less stress for you as the parent.

Parenting Tip #7: Time outs need to be managed
Finally, when a quarterback doesn’t like what he sees from the defense, he calls a time out. He goes to the sideline, talks it over, has a drink of water, and then goes on with the game. Although time out is a common form of discipline, remember to explain what behavior your children displayed that was unacceptable and how long they will be in time out. A rule of thumb is one minute for each year old they are. Do this without yelling, so the child focuses on their behavior and not yours. After a short time, give them a drink of water, thus changing their focus from being upset to settling down. When the time is up, have them explain why they were on time out, give them a hug (or in football, a friendly pat on the butt), thank them for not doing it in the future, and go on with your day.

David Justus is a fatherhood coach and the author of the upcoming book, The Single Father’s Playbook, and has a website for single fathers with helpful parenting tips and information at http://www.singlefathersplaybook.com

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