The process of raising children and educating them from birth till they reach adulthood and even beyond at times falls under the domain of parenting. Sometimes, parents are unable or unwilling to provide such care and the care is thus entrusted to close relatives. There are also cases when it is performed by adoptive parents, foster parents as well as institutions and even godparents. The most important function an individual may have in life is often the one function least prepared for.  Parenting is the hardest job a person may ever have.  The most training people receive for this job is simply the experience of being raised by their own parents. 

The most basic parenting tip for the new parent is ‘Do not panic’.  This may seem humorous but is actually quite a practical parenting tip.  Babies respond to the environment and attitude around them.  As a parent, remaining relaxed and calm will help the infant to be relaxed and calm.  This can be hard to do as a new parent but must be achieved to keep the home more peaceful for everyone. 

It is good if the new parent can have help, for a short time, from an older experienced parent who is calm and self-assured.  Most of the time, one of the grandmothers of the infant will stay with the family to offer parenting tips and support.  New parents need to be ready to accept this help.  If the grandparents are not available, other support can be found from a neighbor or perhaps an older person in ones church.  Some hospitals may have a list of volunteer “grandparents” that will help new parents. 

Parenting Tips for the Future

The most important parenting tip for the lifetime of the parent is to realize that the child is going to make mistakes.  This is easily said but often harder to deal with in reality.  Being a parent is about helping the child avoid the most dangerous mistakes and handling failures and successes.  This begins with teaching a child the stove is hot and continues into their adulthood with career and family decisions.  Many small children, after told the stove is hot, will reach up and touch it.  As a parent, be ready with cold water for the burn and then reinforce the teaching.

A parent shouldn’t berate the child for doing what is a natural response.  A parent just needs to begin to teach the child that a parent has instruction which is valid for life.  This experience may help the child to realize that when given instruction about more dangerous things such as drugs, alcohol, and premarital sex the instruction is probably worth listening to.  No one enjoys a burnt finger and the child will want to prevent further pain. Nevertheless, there is still plenty of information available that provides age-appropriate parenting tips and which helps parents take care of their children. Some of the frequently mentioned topics include nutrition, safety, common problems and what to expect at the pediatrician.

Moms and Dads often need parenting advice that will help them deal with common problems such as sibling rivalry, potty training, getting the child to sleep at night as well as managing behavior problems and temper tantrums. There are many qualified experts out there that deal with such topics and who will be best suited to get parenting advice from for all manner of child rearing issues. Using the RPM3 guidelines and the different parenting advice available should help parents sift the useful from the not-so-useful advice to become sensible and loving parents.

Bookmark to:

With all that’s going on for the mother, whether it be an emotional trauma from the child’s father, work, financial worries, sometimes it feels good to simply move on and be grateful at the chance for a new life partner. However, growing up without a father is never easy for a child, let alone having to go home one day with a mother announcing the arrival of a new permanent fixture in the home - a new stepfather whom the poor kid does not even know. Aside from the fact that children need more time getting used to changes as they find it hard to accept changes if these are not clearly explained to them.

Here are some thoughts to consider or to keep in mind when thinking about dating or marrying again:

1. Children need to feel loved. Allowing another person into you and your child’s life may send the wrong signals to your child. He or she might feel that he or she is being replaced in your life. Although it is important for you to know your new man by being alone with him on dates, it is just as much important for the success of your new relationship and for your child to include your child in some activities with your new beau. This will eliminate the feeling of being left out and assures your child that he or she is still very much a part of you and your new man’s life.

2. Maintain routines. Sometimes, when your children are of age, and if you and your child are emotionally close and have established routines and activities for the two of you, it is important to keep these activities and routines even at the arrival of a new man in your life. Your child needs to feel that your love for him or her will not change. Your child needs to be assured that your new man will never take your child’s place in your life.

3. Most importantly, introduce your man into your child’s life slowly. Give your child the time, emotional space and support to accept the changes in both your lives. Warm him or her into the idea of having a dad.

Single moms who have succeeded in bringing in a new dad for her child with the least resistance from her child is definitely a made mom.

Bookmark to:

Blending of families is becoming more familiar today. When a new family unit comes together, when parents remarry and their spouse’s children come into the mix, there are many readjustments to be made. All the parents I have spoken to admit that this isn’t an easy or simple task. Thank goodness there are certain solutions available that will bring greater harmony to both family’s collective success.

Jane, a client of mine, told me recently that she noticed her eight year old son, John, was showing signs of being depressed soon after she remarried. She wanted to know what was bothering him so she decided to make a picnic lunch and invite John to out to the park. They sat down and Jane asked what the problem was. Jane was afraid that perhaps John didn’t like his new five year old stepbrother, or worse yet, her new husband. After a lot of talking and listening, it became clear that John liked both is stepbrother and his new father, but hated the new dog that they had brought into the household! It seems that the dog, Blackie, kept chasing, tormenting, and growling at John’s dog, Toby. Jane sighed with relief when she heard what John had to tell her. She told John that she was glad he told her about this situation and that it would be rectified very quickly. Small issues can have a great impact on a stepfamily and each episode brings with it an emotional turmoil that needs attention, love and understanding.

There are many proven ways to effectively bring harmony into a blended family, but I found the following one to be the very best:

� Always have plenty of time to welcome open discussions with all family members. Create a system to have interfamily communications, a time to meet to air concerns and gripes to the often new and complex needs and feelings of all family members.

� Have meetings where everyone can safely air their complaints without anger or highly charged emotional feelings. This is the time when the family can reach a compromise to those family members having opposite points of view. It’s also the time for parents to offer the family a sense of self-confidence that any problem discussed really can have a beneficial and satisfying solution for the entire family to enjoy.

� Create the time for special requests of family members, i.e., Ted wants to be relieved of all household chores for a week because he is studying for final exams; Nancy wants to have a sleep-over and doesn’t want her siblings coming into her room while her friends are there; Mom wants each family member to clean the bathtub after each use; and Dad wants to watch a Sunday football game without groans or complaints from everyone in the family.

� In these weekly meetings (or more often, if necessary) there should always be a rule that no one is permitted to belittle or disrespect anyone on any points discussed. The complaints offered might uncover unfairness that has been felt by one family member. These should be openly discussed. Also a sense of priorities will surface, with wrongs being righted and decision-making being spread around to each family member. A true democracy at work!

� When all family members listen to each child’s voice, there’s a good chance for all the children to learn responsibilities, and have a definite accomplishment “for the common good” that is easily understood. When everyone feels free to talk about their own concerns or viewpoints, and everyone knows that each person will be working toward a resolution, victories are felt. It’s also a time where a family member can start to feel empathy for each other. I’ve heard of a stepfather who came to a family meeting and admitted that he felt he was being treated unfairly and he knew that if the family talked this out, he would walk away feeling better about himself and his family. And they did just that.

� Communication, venting your feelings and understandings, is by far the best way to blend families that can weather any storms. It’s also the time when parents can set out their rules and priorities for their children to follow. Matters not completely resolved in one meeting can be tabled to the next meeting when more thought has been put into an acceptable solution.

The blending of stepfamilies is an ongoing process that could take years to work out all the bugs. By having an open line of communication between all family members, by acknowledging there is no need to rush into being what you think a perfect family would be like, and by allowing everyone ample time to adjust to new family members, you can comfortably work toward a harmonious new family unit.

Copyright � 2006 by Linda Milo and Empowering Parents Now. All rights reserved.

Bookmark to: