Single parenting is challenging, but you can function as both mom and dad. I say this not to devalue the importance of both parents in a child’s life, but to inspire parents who are truly alone in the world. There are many examples of fine men and women who have been raised by single moms or dads. In this article, we will first explore the effects of single parenting and then offer some important tips.

Effects of Single Parenting:

The effects of divorce on a child have been well documented. Children of divorce have a higher risk of problems associated with adjustment, behavior or social skills. This is most likely due to the stress and trauma created around the break-up. If parents can handle divorce in an amicable way, still coming together as a team to support the best interests of the child, then the risks are small.

Obviously, single parenting does not always mean raising children of divorce. Some parents have never been married. Others have survived the death of their spouse. These adults are impacted by the same issues faced by divorced parents: isolation, lack of support, financial struggles and emotional overwhelm. When an adult is constantly stressed, the child absorbs and mirrors these feeling states.

Single Parenting Tips:

• Get Support. You need to have friends, relatives or a support group that can help you manage your stress. Remember, your child reflects your feelings. If you are not relaxed, your child cannot be either. If there is no support group in your area, start your own. Get together to talk about the single parent experience. Offer to watch each others’ children to get some time on your own or take care of things that you can’t do with your child. It is important to have some alone time, away from your child and job, so that you can unwind and regroup.
  Tip! So that the child will be interested, you can look for blocks, books, flashcards or puzzles with bright colors. Some toys can even talk to children. These kind of toys are a big help to the children

• Find a Mentor. In a perfect world, single adults would work together to help each other raise their children, providing role models of both genders for every child (and perhaps this is something you can facilitate if you start a single parent group). A role model can be a coach, a teacher, someone from a group or association or someone from your church. Make sure you know who this person is before you let them be around your child. Know that adults who prey upon kids often volunteer their services in order to get next to your child. These people will seem normal and will work hard to gain your trust, but in your gut, you will feel that something is not right. Trust your gut and protect your child. Proceed carefully and wisely, but don’t underestimate the importance of a mentor of the same gender in your child’s life.
  Tip! The gnarly roots of offense spread quickly in hearts where true forgiveness is not applied and worked in liberally.

• Connection and Communication. Single parenting means working twice as hard to forge strong bonds with your child. Bonding is all about connection, communication and being there as guide and witness during the tough, triumphant and mundane moments of your child’s life. Every child needs someone to feel safe with, someone with whom they can let down their guard. In a two parent marriage, one partner may provide support when the other is unavailable for a variety of reasons. As a single parent, you are the sole support. Despite this, connecting and communicating with your child in a positive manner feels good and will energize you in ways that will allow you to meet your child’s needs.

• Engage your child in activities she loves. Be an active participant in your child’s growing awareness of the world and what interests her. When you do something with your child, remember that children are process-oriented, while most adults tend to be goal-oriented. In order to truly engage your child, you must allow yourself to become process-oriented when you play with her or engage her interests. This is how a single parent creates a bond that goes beyond meeting the child’s physical and emotional needs.

Although single parenting can be tough, it is rewarding and fulfilling. If you incorporate these important tips into your life, you are sure to create a healthy, loving relationship with your child. Your child’s physical, emotional and spiritual well-being now and in the future depends on this.

About the author: Laura Ramirez is the author of the award-winning book, Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting - http://www.walk-in-peace.com/keepers.html. This unique book combines ancient native ideas (like stewardship) with cutting-edge psychology to show parents how to raise children to develop their natural strengths and grow up to lead purposeful and fulfilling lives. It is a book about connection, caring and engagement.

Laura is also the publisher of Family Matters Parenting Magazine which features insights into the core issues today’s parents face - http://www.parenting-child-development.com

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